Dec. 16th, 2010

I know....

Dec. 16th, 2010 03:17 pm
cindylouwho: (Ten lost sad)
I'm feeling a bit emotional and stressed and overwhelmed right now.  And I just want to take a moment here and say a few things.   

-that I can be a shit friend
-that I over react when I shouldn't and say things out of anger
-that I can get too emotional
-that I shouldn't make my issues the world's
-that I am scared sometimes
-that when I get stressed I clean like crazy and procrastinate
-and that I drive people up the wall
-that I am a drama queen
-that I have to try harder
-that I whine a bit too much
-that I truly, truly not selfish, even if it comes across that way

What I also know
-is that I really think I am good person
-I am genuine
-I try to be honest
-I try really, really hard
-I want the people I care about to be happy

What I also think is that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way; I'm sure some of you out there may have felt like that too.   I'm not perfect.  I'm far from it.;  but even if you only know me online, that is far from all it is being who I really am.  And maybe I go on and on and whine and complain - but I am not the only one.  

I'm still trying to find my place in the world, even though I'm 35.  I have no idea what is going to happen a year from now.  If you had told me I would be in Scotland, I would have laughed at you.  But here I am.  And whether or not I am here next year or back home, alone or with someone...... I just want everyone to know I am trying.  I am trying so hard to be a good person and trying so hard to find my way.  I hope everyone realizes that, even if it isn't today.

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cindylouwho

March 2011

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