cindylouwho: (hopeless F&L)
[personal profile] cindylouwho

 Less than 24 hours are left according to the nurse who came shortly after I left today.  

I said my goodbyes- I think she heard me and understood, b/c her heart rate went up.

And now I am sitting in this damned airport trying not to have a nervous breakdown and wondering if I can go back to Glasgow and then immediately turn back and make it back in time for the funeral.  Of course she can't hear me then......
It is just such a fucking waste.  In 8 weeks she went to fine, to terminal in a hospital bed at home not even resembling the woman who brought me into this world.  64 years young.  My youngest niece is a bit confused, but the older one gets it.  She is going to be devastated (not to mention once she realizes she didn't get to say goodbye to Auntie either)
I'm pissed and angry and beyond fucking sad.
I hope that people who understand me and care for me here in the land of the interwebs and those of you who know me in real life understand and respect my choice if I can't turn around and head back home for the funeral.  My dad said I was there when it counted, but I am still feeling guilty about having gone off to school (doing what I wanted and damn the torpedoes for once in my life without listening to a word anyone else said about my choices- b/c I wanted to go.  But I lost 6 months of time with my mom.  6 months of Red Sox games (ok well only 1) and phone calls about stupid shit.
Oh great Vale (Decem) just came up in iTunes;  Way to kick me when I'm down.
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March 2011

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