Mum update

Jan. 26th, 2011 08:00 pm
cindylouwho: (belle4)
Ok.  So.  She has undefined carcinoma.  They were unable to find the primary site of the cancer- so the liver seems to be the secondary.  It is very early, but cannot give a stage b/c they can't find the primary site.  They believe that it was "female cancer" to begin but that it stopped growing and moved on to the liver.  All the other tests are fine and clean and etc.  

Chemo will begin 1x/week starting next week.  After they see how that goes it will be 2x/week every 3 weeks.

She seems ok with this, and no one said that there should be any worry at this stage.  Of course it would be nice if they could find the primary site, but..... they are continuing to lool but everything continues to be normal.



Jan. 22nd, 2011 10:03 pm
cindylouwho: (belle3)
 My mom is home from the hospital.  I am sure she is excited to be home to have a big glass of Kaluah, some chips and dip, and a cig.  (even if they told her not to do any of those things I would bet 10 quid she did)

WBC= normal
colonoscopy and endoscopy= normal
brain scan= brain present and normal ( I joked they wouldn't find anything hahahahaha)
bone scan= normal

"spots" on liver= allegedly

This sounds like a job for super!oncologist Wilson.  Or super!diagnostician House.  How does one have cancer, if THEY CAN'T FIND ANYTHING?

Or they are not telling me the truth and then I will have to go home and kill them.  J/K.   

So...... I went to the GP and I was told I need (most likely, which DUH I already figured out) physio on my shoulder.  It needs work.  What it needs is a hot tub and an hour massage.  And a cortisone shot.    My foot- he said to use inserts and see.  *eyeroll*

So I am going to the physio "open" on Wednesday,  I am sure that will be fun.  Hopefully the wait won't be long.  It also has the bonus of being right around the corner.

I should be working on papers, but I'm procrastinating as usual.  
cindylouwho: (amy sad)
Thanks everyone for the messages and tweets and prayers.  <3

My sister said that the colonoscopy was clean (as if you all needed to know that) and that they are waiting for liver tests as they apparently took a biopsy.  So we are just waiting on results.  Being away from home is hard right now.  It is very hard not to book the next flight home. but I am trying to remain positive, but at the first sign of something not right, I am leaving on a jet plane.

The reason (beyond the obvious) that I am really worried about this, is this is how my aunt (my mom's sister) and nana (my mom's mom) died.  Also technically how my other aunt (my mom's half sister) died as well.  Well my other aunt, Aunt Gerry died from liver cancer secondary to breast cancer- it spread when she had open heart surgery.  My aunt Judy and nana had masses in the pancreas and abdomen area.  So yeah I am worried.  They said it is most likely not pancreas, but considering my mother's track record with doctors- I tend not to believe them, considering she went years without having lupus detected.  (I know it is never lupus, but it was then and I can make all the jokes I want, she isn't bovvered LOL)

It is kind of ridiculous with all this going on, b/c considering the fact that she has THREE auto immune diseases, I do not think her doctors expected her to live this long, which is a horrid thing to say but seriously- lupus, Grave's disease, and pernicious anemia?  Seriously, who ends up with all three of those?  And up until last week she was working full time, and was a full time + grandmother to my 2 nieces.  I don't know how she does it.  My dad says that she is faking so she can stay in the hospital away from him LOL.

Anyways I am just trying to see the humour in all of this even though it isn't the least bit funny.  Add that to the fact I have three papers due in one weeks span of time over the next 20 days and I want to curl up and hide from the world.  AND my dad had the audacity to bring up DT last night and I said I was not fucking talking about it.  He seemed to find that funny.  I did not.

blah blah blah a bit about me  )


Jan. 17th, 2011 09:57 pm
cindylouwho: (rose 10 doomsday)

My mom has cancer.

I don't really know more than that.  The doctors are still trying to find out exactly where.

I am not handling this well.  When my sister called and she put her on, I totally lost it.

I just don't even know how to deal.

So, if you don't see me online or posting for a few days, I just need some time to get a grip on reality.

Thank you in advance. <3 xxx
cindylouwho: (hopeless F&L)

/end rant

Now it isn't my place to tell a foreign city how to run themselves, but for the love of Rasillon, they need to do something soon before someone gets hurt.  Namely me.  I shouldn't be risking my life for some bloody crumpets.

I was walking down Byres Rd, minding my own business, drinking my latte and trying not to fall on the icy, slushy sidewalk when out of the blue a car jumps the curb and nearly runs down the pedestrians, myself included.   

I love how pretty the snow looks and all the festiveness and whatnot, but I would like to be able to enjoy it without breaking my neck.
cindylouwho: (jack/ianto2)
Yesterday was Spirit day.   For those of you who were living in an alternate universe yesterday; On October 20th we will wear purple to bring awareness to, and put an end to intolerance in honor of the 6 boys who commited suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse at home and in schools. Purple represents spirit on the Lgbtq flag and that's exactly what we would like all of you to have with you: spirit.

I've always known I was "different."  I never knew quite what it was.  Growing up in the 80s none of this was discussed, at least among my family or peer group.  I didn't even know what the word lesbian meant until I was in the 6th grade, when I was called a lesbian.  I had to go home and look it up in the dictionary.  And even then I wasn't sure what it meant.  Then again, the first time I fooled around with someone (at18) I didn't realize I was supposed to "participate," not just lay back and enjoy it.  But I digress.

I always knew I was different.  I didn't know if it was b/c my family was poorish and I didn't dress right or that I was fat or didn't have a "religion."  I always felt out of sorts and wrong.  I noticed both men and women, but never paid it any attention.  It just wasn't talked about.

I was bullied for being different.  I never knew why.  Maybe they knew when I didn't.  It was horrible.  I tried to commit suicide in 8th grade and only managed to make it through the year with the help of a supportive teacher and a few friends who were also being bullied-one for being gay.  I wasn't even entirely sure what it meant, but I knew it was wrong.  Because I knew how bad it felt.  This happened all through middle and high school and I finally came into my own in college where I met people who didn't care about your background or sexual orientation or religion.  They liked me for me.

As I went on in my life I met lots of different people who helped expand my mind and my life.  I did meet a girl in my undergrad years who I was attracted to, but I didn't really know her more than to say hello.  And then it was graduation and I was dating someone at the time..... and it just sort of faded into the background.  

Time has passed and an abusive relationship in my 20's and a lot of time being single since then let me reflect on who I am and who I want to be.  I met a few women who I was attracted to, and realized that I was bisexual- something I kind of knew all along as a child and teenager, just lacked the cognitive ability to process it, or had somehow repressed.  I have no idea.  Even while in therapy it never came up.  

So when I met [ profile] kyrina  this summer, I finally felt comfortable enough to take the leap.  And I am thrilled that I did, as I sit here in our Glasgow flat overlooking the city- with the sun streaming in.  

So I know kids, it will get better.  I promise if you can persevere and find some supportive friends and maybe a special partner the bad times will be less what you focus on.


Feb. 2nd, 2010 12:56 pm
cindylouwho: (barrowman!)
The doctor visits were utter FAIL.  FML. 

The neuro [he is the 3rd one I have seen] has referred me off to a 4th one.  Seriously.  And he gave me the worlds smallest prescription, so I am NOT HAPPY.

Then I had the regular dr.  Well I would have, but she was home sick, so I saw some other dr.  He at least took my word about the sinus infection and gave me antibiotics and refilled the 2 medications I needed refilling and sent me to get a blood test to see if my vitamin d level was low again.  [it was so low 6 months ago, it was barely registering]

I have to go to a meeting later for my part time job.  It is a waste of time.  I've been there so long I could RUN the meeting myself.  I do get paid for being there and fed, but I'd rather just get my materials and go home.  But I was sick for the last 2 meetings so I kind of have to go, that and I need the money.  And free dinner.

And when I got home I found Rascal had pooed on the floor.  

But I had turkey bacon and chocolate biscuits for lunch so that was good.  I also foresee a nap in my future.
cindylouwho: (di carlisle 1)
I had the most brilliant dream this morning.  I was part of a crew to go and interview David Tennant and we were sitting about waiting for him to come home with his girlfriend [?] and making small talk and smoking Silk Cut.  So then finally he comes home all rumpled and scruffy, like he was channeling House [like this] and OMG.  Well for some reason the crew decide that it's a good time to go out for a smoke/coffee/home and who I gathered in the dream was his girlfriend was going upstairs to sleep or shower. 

So it's the two of us in the kitchen and he's reading the paper and finally he decides well it's time to make dinner. [???] So he goes to the sink to wash a glass or something and I ask if he needs help, so I go over to help.  And in the dream I'm far taller than in real life b/c we are almost eye to eye.  That or he has bent rather well over to me and I recall we were both kind of leaning on the counter.  And we are so close, noses nearly touching.  And I'm so excited and aroused and I know he's going to kiss me.  AND THEN I WOKE UP.  NOT FAIR.  NOT FAIR AT BLOODY WELL ALL.   ASALKSJALKSJALSJALKSJALSJALSKJALSKJALKSJALKSJ.  If I can't get any in real life, could I at least get some in my dreams? 

stupid life grrrrrrrrrrr )


Jan. 28th, 2010 04:06 pm
cindylouwho: (cameron)
Thank you to everyone who replied to my earlier entry.  I read them all at work when I got the notifications on my BB.  :)  I love you all.  <3

So I talked to my mom and they are going home from the ER now.  My dad had bloodwork, a CAT scan, and a chest xray.  They don't know what it is so he needs to see a specialist tomorrow.  Preliminary ddx: infection.  Backup DDX: cancer.  I don't think cancer makes your neck swell up in like 6 hours so if they do find cancer it will be somewhere else since they are making him see a primary care doctor next week.  I won't be surprised if it is found, nor will a diagnosis of advanced emphesema.  That I diagnosed about 20 years ago and I don't even play a doctor on tv.  

I expect that if it is cancer, he won't go for treatment.  He saw what it did to my aunt when she had breast/liver cancer and I just don't think he would want to live like that.  Especially now that my sister and her kids are at home.  He saw what it put S and I and his family through when S's dad was dying of brain cancer.  I don't want my last memory of my dad to be him calling me a whore.  

My dad hasn't seen a doctor since I was a kid.  He was really sick for a long time, puking his guts out day in and day out.  Finally after like 2 years [probably less, it just seemed that in my kid mind] he went and found it was acidic stomach and gave him xantac and he was fine.  Go figure.

So.  Ive been forced to think lots of things I never particularly thought I would be thinking today.  I'd always thought I'd be more Housian about it; I had been more Housian about it.... I mean we hadn't been particularly close since I was very young.  Everything seemed to go wrong when I was older and then there were major issues when I was with S.  I mean S. made him cry at Christmas dinner.  It was just bad.  So bad.  So many things went wrong back then, most of them my fault.  I mean once I knew what I knew about S. I should have run in the other direction.  I was such a fool.  My dad taught me better.

Well now I'm just babbling so I need to just stop for now. 
cindylouwho: (Default)
This day has been made of fail. I woke up late, hit every red light. There were no balance bars at CVS. I got to work and the kids were whiny and I was bitchy. PMSy much?

I still haven't gotten confirmation about my interview tomorrow.

I got bitched out by someone at work about something I had NO idea about and then the emails going on and on making me feel like a fool.

My head is killing.

I didn't make my chiro or my mani appt today b/c I napped and I woke up and felt like death.

I got a letter in the mail about an issue with one of my credit cards in debt management and had to deal with that which was a pain in the ass.

The only saving grace..... has been this.

and this...courtesy of Mr. Fry himself

cindylouwho: (Default)
Finally got new sneakers.  Took a nice run at the gym.  They are really sweet.  They are NB 1223's and are nice and cushiony.  My roommate works for NB so I get to use her discount which saves me money.  I also get free shoes on occasion since I am a sample size shoe and she brings free stuff for me.  (Last week I got Aravon leather ankle boots)  :)

Of course last night I whined about not writing and what I did I do before I went to bed.... write. LOL.  I don't know if I will finish it or post it so.....

My head has been killing for 3 weeks now non stop.  The Vicodin helps for a little bit but doesn't get rid of it.   Another month until new doctor.  I hope I can make it that long.  

I'm watching the MLL draft with my roommate and I should be asleep.  
cindylouwho: (Default)
I haven't been running in almost 2 weeks. Last week I had insomnia bad and I could hardly function never mind run. This weekend I was busy, had softball, and then Monday my stomach was upset. Yesterday my head hurt and today I said fuck it and went to the ER. I hate having to spend the money, but I needed to get SOMETHING. I was not going to make a month with no meds. So I have vicodin. Not many, but hopefully enough to get by. They told me to come back in 2 days if it isn't better. LOL. It hasn't been better in 3 YEARS!!!

I really hope that this new doctor has the answers. Or can get me to the people who can. Or gives me meds that don't suck.

No job prospects as of yet. Schools here are laying off teachers, not hiring. :(

I hope to go running tomorrow. One month until the 5k. I better get on it. I know times are tight but if anyone wants to sponsor me, it would be real, real great. I promise to do something wonderful for anyone on LJ who donates, be it a fic or something. <3

My report cards are due in a week. FML.

Otherwise, life is ok. I have friends coming in for a big gathering of Red Sox fans this weekend so it should be fun and crazy!


cindylouwho: (Default)

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