I know....

[cindylouwho]

I'm feeling a bit emotional and stressed and overwhelmed right now.  And I just want to take a moment here and say a few things.   

-that I can be a shit friend
-that I over react when I shouldn't and say things out of anger
-that I can get too emotional
-that I shouldn't make my issues the world's
-that I am scared sometimes
-that when I get stressed I clean like crazy and procrastinate
-and that I drive people up the wall
-that I am a drama queen
-that I have to try harder
-that I whine a bit too much
-that I truly, truly not selfish, even if it comes across that way

What I also know
-is that I really think I am good person
-I am genuine
-I try to be honest
-I try really, really hard
-I want the people I care about to be happy

What I also think is that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way; I'm sure some of you out there may have felt like that too.   I'm not perfect.  I'm far from it.;  but even if you only know me online, that is far from all it is being who I really am.  And maybe I go on and on and whine and complain - but I am not the only one.  

I'm still trying to find my place in the world, even though I'm 35.  I have no idea what is going to happen a year from now.  If you had told me I would be in Scotland, I would have laughed at you.  But here I am.  And whether or not I am here next year or back home, alone or with someone...... I just want everyone to know I am trying.  I am trying so hard to be a good person and trying so hard to find my way.  I hope everyone realizes that, even if it isn't today.

Comments

[tasmin-dvelnahr.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

"am trying so hard to be a good person and trying so hard to find my way."

That is all you can do, and all anyone has the right to expect. And if anyone gets on your ass, just remember the things that piss people off most about other folks are usually faults that they themselves have and if they aren't working to overcome their own faults, tell them they can fucking stuff it :)

[cindy-lou-who8.livejournal.com]

I don't think that will work in this case but thank you for the encouragement :)

[sodiumbisulfite.livejournal.com]

You don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. If people can't see how hard working you are, and that you are accomplishing things... Screw 'em. I'm proud of you. Truly. Thanks for the Xmas card btw :)