Melancholy Without Hope

earlier I was tired when I made this post:

I hope this clarifies it, but I am kinda stoned now so IDK if it is clear.

The neuro [he is the 3rd one I have seen] has referred me off to a 4th one.  Seriously.  And he gave me the worlds smallest prescription, so I am NOT HAPPY.

Then I had the regular dr.  Well I would have, but she was home sick, so I saw some other dr.  He at least took my word about the sinus infection and gave me antibiotics and refilled the 2 medications I needed refilling and sent me to get a blood test to see if my vitamin d level was low again.  [it was so low 6 months ago, it was barely registering]


So: basically the old neuro is not equipt for my issues now that its apparent it is a daily chronic thing.  So they need to send me to someone who can deal with that.  SO I am seeing a pain management specialist and a neuro all in one.  They are working on the referral right now for me.  He says it is common to have people go back and forth to neuro's.  He wanted to send me back to neuro of fail but he left the state.  I would have NEVER allowed it.  No way in fucking hell.

I saw a PCP, not mine, and I was bummed b/c I love my dr.  She is sweet and great but she had been taking care of her sick kids and got the tummy bug herself.  SO I was able to get antibiotics for the sinus infection, a refill on the ativan, and an adjustment of my antidepressants.  I hope that will boost my mood.  They also re-tested me for Vitamin D deficiency which I bet is low again.  I hope that the upping of the antidepressants helps me and gives me back my motication and energy, especially if they find I have the D deficiency again.  That will fix me right up again.

I'm really sleepy and stoned and oops fell over

OMFG my fucking head.  I can't take it any more.

3 t3s at 7:30pm.  It is 8:30 and I want to alternately scream and puke from the pain.  Fuck this shit.

Finally got new sneakers.  Took a nice run at the gym.  They are really sweet.  They are NB 1223's and are nice and cushiony.  My roommate works for NB so I get to use her discount which saves me money.  I also get free shoes on occasion since I am a sample size shoe and she brings free stuff for me.  (Last week I got Aravon leather ankle boots)  :)

Of course last night I whined about not writing and what I did I do before I went to bed.... write. LOL.  I don't know if I will finish it or post it so.....

My head has been killing for 3 weeks now non stop.  The Vicodin helps for a little bit but doesn't get rid of it.   Another month until new doctor.  I hope I can make it that long.  

I'm watching the MLL draft with my roommate and I should be asleep.  

Being home sick from work sucks. And is boring.

There is nothing on tv.

I could read.

I *should* be working on my report cards.

I called my new dr's office to see if I could get my appt. moved up. No can do. It is going to be a long month with no pain meds. If worse comes to worse I can go to the ER again, but I owe so much money already I really do not want to go there.

So as you may or may not know on Thursday I had a spinal tap.  (which btw came back fine, all the fluid and pressure tests are perfect, juts like I said they would be)  And now I am on day 4, 5? idk anymore of bedrest.  I can't sit or stand without feeling like my head is going to explode.  Right now, my head is slightly elevated so I can type, and it is teh suck.

Anyways.... so yeah I've been to the ER twice.  I was going to have a blood patch to address this headache issue, but since the LP had to be done under xray there is no way they can do the blood patch unless they do it that way..... so I have pain meds and another 2 days excused from work if need be. 

I hope this goes away soon.  I cant even do simple things like making a cup of tea without it draining me.  

I forgot to post an update to the saga that is my head. Friday I went back to the pain center and met with another doctor, since the one who will be handling my case, was not there last week. She was very nice and listened to the entire story and all of the things that have been tried and done and what works and what doesn't work (since the notes from my first visit weren't there yet). I explained that the new meds had chest pain as a side effect, and I didn't think that was something I should be taking IMO. She did agree. She also gave me a small script for T3s reminding me they do not remove the cause of the headaches. AS IF I DO NOT KNOW THAT AT THIS POINT. But they take away the pain so I can function. My next appt there is on the 19th and hopefully they will have a plan or something. I'm so tired of this. It's exhausting, not to mention expensive with all these dr. visits and prescriptions.

So hopefully I will make it to the 19th without needing all of these pills or more of them. It's been an ok weekend painwise, maybe as high as a 5 at some point, but not like last Wednesday when I wanted to drill into my skull with my drill.