Melancholy Without Hope

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Paul Darrow as Kerr Avon.  He was the first character I really, REALLY identified with as I got older and still feel I can identify with.  [Sue Ellen Ewing from Dallas being the first, but that hasn't held over time.]  He made such an impact b/c of the character's turmoil and inner tailspin.  I do collect memoribilia and I have plenty of Blake's 7 stuff including 2 autographs from Paul Darrow himself, one that I got when I was 10.  As far as creativity, I suppose you could say that considering that was my first foray into fandom at a young age, as well as writing fan fiction for elementary school English class LOL.

[Error: unknown template qotd]My best friend is Annette.  We've known each other since second grade and have been best friends (so she says) since 7th.  We have had our tough times, and we have had our great times since the 80's.  When her dad would give her shit when we were kids, she'd come over and vice versa.  I was there for her when her Aunt died, and her mom had cancer, when her had a heart attack, and when her brother broke his back.

We celebrated holidays, went on trips with girl scouts and Leaders, and the French club trip to Montreal our senior year in high school.

We visited her grandmother on the cape and wandered the streets late at night and sunned ourselves at the beach.  She didn't ridicule me when I couldn't find the right bus home.

When we were in college and visited each other she was disappointed in my pot use, but she never lectured me.  When I visited her and she would drag me to frat parties I never lectured her about the drinking and the supposed hooking up.

When her brother got married, I was there.

But when she got married, I very nearly was not there.  I was supposed to be her maid of honor.  I helped her pick out her dress before all of this happened. . . . . . We were facing the worse fallout in our relationship to date.  I was dating the ex, the Nazi and he told me that if I was serious about him, I would break off my friendship with her.  And blind and foolish as I was, I did it.  I never, ever felt so horrible about something I have done in my life.  I never felt so lost and alone in all my life.  I had no one to talk to but him, I was isolated, just what he wanted.

It took some time after the wedding (I was there in the back) but I went despite how awkward it was and how bad I felt and how I was stared at and the things that were said to and about me.......

But our friendship has been rebuilt.  I've been there for her for the birth of her daughter, and most recently the death of her mom.  It was like losing an aunt......  I can't imagine what it must be like for her.  I was the one she trusted to pick up her daughter and bring her to the shiva.  Her second daughter is is due any time, and I will be there for her again.  We've come a long way.

We don't get to see each other as much as we did as kids when we lived practically around the block from each other, but we make due.  

I'm so sorry for the past Annette.  But I have good hopes for the future.   (I guess I need to scan some more pics in LOL)

[Error: unknown template qotd]This may be long.  You are warned.

( read less, more tv )

[Error: unknown template qotd]Breakfast Club.

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That something pretty cool is happening. IDK. I don't really think about it that much. LOL.

[Error: unknown template qotd] J'aime fromage et les pommes frites.  :)

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When I was in 6th grade I won a scooter as part of a drawing at our dinner dance.

When I worked at EMC I won a weekend luxury getaway and gourmet dinner.

2 years ago I sent in my Red Sox lottery tix and I got drawn for a prize: I got a winter jacket, framed picture of Fenway, and an authentic Jason Varitek jersey.

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Yes. A few years ago I was engaged to someone who was not a very good person. I had a good group of friends and when I started dating this guy, I spent less and less time with these friends. And then they stopped returning my calls, for good reason. They didn't support my decision or relationship with good reason.

After we broke up I found one of them on Facebook and sent her a long message explaining what happened and how ashamed I was and how bad I felt for how I had behaved and the horrible things I did; things I will never forgive myself for, things I can't get over I did. Things I feel ashamed for every day. She never wrote back and then changed her Facebook settings to private.

I really hoped she would give me a second chance. I miss her and that group of friends. They were such an integral part of my undergrad experience, it's hard to think about that time without being very sad.

[Error: unknown template qotd]Well, I drove to Maine, but I guess that isn't the answer you were looking for.

[Error: unknown template qotd]Yes.  If not, I wouldn't still have my best friend in my life.